When you live with an alcoholic that always apologizes for hurting you, eventually the apologies do not mean much. If the person continues to do the things that they keep saying their sorry for, you have to wonder if they ever meant one word of the apology. This is a common feeling. You can only listen to apologies so many times before you start to think that it is a programmed response that has no meaning. Alcoholics are great at saying that they are sorry, but they have a hard time not doing the same thing again. When you love someone, this is hard to understand.
The first time something happens, they will be sorry the next day. This is because they have sober up and more than likely, they have a memory of what they have done or you have told them. They will be sweet and apologetic because they truly are sorry. However, they can promise it will never happen again, but when they drink, they have no control over what they do. It can happen again. This time it might be a little worst then the first time. After the first time, you felt content to believe them, but if it happens again, you have to think about whether or not they really meant it.
Once it happens again, and they say they are sorry, you have to start wondering when it will happen again and again. This is the hardest part of living with an alcoholic. You never know for sure if they mean anything that they say. You start to doubt their love for you and wonder why they never lash out at anyone else. Sometimes they do, but it is rare for an alcoholic to just go off on someone that did not provoke them, accept you.
Then you start to wonder if they will ever say they are sorry and mean it. This is the worst feeling in the world. You are doubting their sincerity and you start to doubt other things that they say to you including that fact that they love you. You start to think how they could do this to you repeatedly if they did love you. Now, you not only live with an alcoholic, you live with the doubt. This can eat away at you to no end. This is when the trust starts to fade.
After years of hearing sorry, you just do not believe them anymore. You doubt every word they say to you and you cannot believe anything that they say to you. The home is no longer a home. It turns into a prison that you made for yourself. You now have more confusion and do not know what to do. You still care for the person, but you wonder if you could ever love that person again. The times of happiness are gone and all you are left with is drinking and broken promises.
You lose all hope and feel all alone. You want to leave, but you feel as if you owe the person something. You can become withdrawn and hopeless. You may even wonder why you should be the only responsible and sober person in the home. You start to feel all alone with no one to turn to for help. You look for answers, but you find emptiness. You wonder what to do next. Your life has not turned out as you expected it to when you first met the person and you need happiness to live. You turn to someone else or you turn to the same demon that took the love from you.
Living with an alcoholic can be like living with a deceitful child and it can be very frustrating. If the alcoholic in your home is your spouse, you might be thinking about divorce. If it is your parent, you might be the chosen scapegoat and blamed for everything and are thinking about running away. This is normal. It isn't anybody's fault. An alcoholic needs help… not to be abandoned. An alcoholic is very deceitful about his or her drinking. If you ask the person if they are drinking, they will deny it until they are blue in the face. There is no point discussing the drinking and fighting about the drinking unless you and other family members have a plan to get he or she into a detoxification facility.
An alcoholic will never show up at public events and make up lies on why they weren't there. However, they might be better off not embarrassing you with the public drunkenness and taking the chance in getting another D.U.I. Alcoholics cannot even tell themselves the truth about the fact that they have a problem, don't expect them to be true to you until they are sober.
An alcoholic will do whatever it takes to get that next drink. They will lie, cheat, and steal until they have another drink. If you don't go get the booze for them, then they will go get it themselves and risk their life trying to do it.
Living with an alcoholic is frustrating because you have to let them hit the bottom before they can be helped. You and your family might have to force he or she into a facility. Don't worry about hurting their feelings, you are helping them in the long run. Don't think that the alcoholic in your home hates you. They might when they are drunk, but they don't really. They just know that you know they have a problem, but can't face it themselves.
Being the child of an alcoholic can be difficult especially if you are blamed for everything. Don't worry. Alcoholics always choose one of the kids to blame for the problems associated with their drinking. It is not really you and they really don't hate you. It is the alcohol that has taken over their body causing them to be mean and deceitful.
Living with an alcoholic can be made a positive experience when you understand the disease, and seek to get your family member the help they need.
